The Motherload, aka, Shelob

First of all i would like to dedicate this post to someone who goes by the name of Voldemort, for her persistent efforts to keep this blog alive.

He had earned his place in this society...nah just kiding but seriously, to the experienced excretion-etor or shall we say a connoisseur of turds this felt like your average 2 minuter. One minute pushing, 30 seconds wiping, and the rest of it ( flushing, sanitizing, bla bla bla). Not today, this turd is worthy of significant scrutiny, the catalyst of a new saga of Coeliac Flux, his name was...........Ishmael.

It all began with the normal push, crap , push again, but on the second push it was complete pandomnia for life in the toilet bowl, as a shower of feculence splatteredd against its once oh so very white walls, post this explosion a series of flatulent booms where issued from my cheecks, of eardrum bursting Quality . As all this went on, I was in ecstatic in enthusiasm, realizing this was just the inspiration i needed to add another chapter to Coeliac Flux.

Part 2 .
I heaved, i weeped, i rejoiced at the sweet release this I had experienced. I truly thought i had nothing left to offer to the shrine like status my toilet had acheived. I gave it one last effort, a collaborative of thoracic and abominable muscles working in harmony to deliver the ultimate load, a meadow of stank and crap in its purest form, followed by a cloud of noxious gas. Just to impress how stanky this was, if this event transgressed in a elevator , noses would cease to be noses, just a lump of pointless skin with no purpose as all smell receptors would have ceased to be after smelling this stank.

Special thanks to all the toilet paper roles which where sacrificed to clean up this mess.

insubstantial feacas

Alright so i've decided that after any shit of signifigance i'll compose a decent post dedicated to it. At around 4:30 this arvo i suddenly got that deep gutural feeling that indicates your bowels are ready to release a large amount of waste via the anal canal. From the moment i felt my bowels clench i knew this was no average belly-ache, this felt like the prince of all craps. my exciment started to escalate in anticpation of unloading this prince of feaces . Finnaly i felt the time was right, i headed to the bathroom assumed my posistion and let rip....nothing..nothing..then finnaly a small amount of excretement exited via schfincter.. the most insubstantial amount possible.
i wouldnt even classify it as a shit, i was in outrage!

To all my readers, i can promise you a memorable post for my next installment of coeliac flux

( i just finished of 6 chilli bean stuffed tacos >:] )

Coeliac Flux

Okay so I'd saved up the contents that would make up this  shit since Monday ( 3 days ago ) ...as i sat and prepared for the onslaught that was about to take place i decided some leisurely reading would complete the oncoming events  so i picked up "Empire - the British imperial experience from 1765 to the present" as i exfoliated my large intestine or some might say, halfway threw discharging the log that was my shit. This bunta fucking cockroach skitters across the bathroom floor I literally shat threw my book ontop of this sheelob of a cockroach and bailed from the scene ASAP. 

The act of excreteing ones bodily waste is suppose to be a memorable/pleasurable occasion for everyone involved, but not for me, not this time ...all im left with is a crushed roach and a bathroom left reeeking of mortien surface sprace. Anyone but the most devout "excretionists" would despair just the thought chucking a dump in my bathroom after this experience..but not me .. this is only a minor set back for one as devout as myself, not even this will keep me from enjoying  that ripping sensation when your shit is so behemoth  you can feel it sundering your asshole..oh well i think ive strayed from my point so ill end it here.